My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
