you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
