I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
