everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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