when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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