so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
