I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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