I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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