who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
