some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
