I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize