Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
