Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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