I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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