she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
