Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How does it feel to date your dad?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
