sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
