you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
