from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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