Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
