I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize