Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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