The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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