you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
