We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
