Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize