$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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