I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
