Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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