The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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