Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
