If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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