Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Randomize
