I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
