i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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