I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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