You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
