All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
