Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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