this beer tastes like vomit already
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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