Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
