I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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