you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
