brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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