I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
