Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
