I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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