chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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