Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
