I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
