Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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