addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
