Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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