I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
