My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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