youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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