dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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