last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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