I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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