I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
