well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
