I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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