Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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