Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
