What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
