so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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