Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When are your genitals available?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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