I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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