Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You took a bar mat shot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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