I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
