Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
