You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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