so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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