i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize